A prankster has rearranged a road sign, his or her intentions, being to divert traffic away from the congestion charge zone.
TAKE THE ROAD LESS TAXED!
Well gang, you should be proud of me for getting the above Shot! It meant me having to dash out of the cab and endure a freak rainstorm, but it was worth every raindrop that pounded on my head and clothes! I saw this rearranged sign as I was navigating my way around the busy City Road roundabout. And it completely defused the apprehension of the shift that lay ahead. I am always apprehensive at the beginning of my shift, not because of a fear of people, but a because of a fear of no people putting their hand into the air and hailing my cab! Eventually someone does hail your cab and the evening adventure begins! However, when I saw the spray can work of a certain prankster, any tensions or doubts I had about Friday night’s shift soon evaporated! My priorities immediately changed, finding my first passenger was put on the backburner and snapping the above sign became paramount (this type of art work is removed very quickly by the authorities) So with my comical snap secured and my tensions now all but nonexistent, the rest of the shift soon fell into place, and was aptly rounded off with a dance with friends at a lively after hours North London nightclub.
“Measure twice, cut once.”
“When governments get into difficulty, all they do is abolish the people, and elect another.”
“Why are we dying to live, if we’re living to die.”
Just for today I will try to live through this day only & not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is & not try to adjust everything else to my desires. I will take my luck as it comes & fit myself into it.
Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study; I will learn something useful; I will not be a mental loafer; I will read something that requires effort, thought & concentration.
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn & not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count; I will do at least two things I don’t want to do just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything & not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.
Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry & indecision.
Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself & relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid. I will enjoy that which is beautiful & will believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
Emily, unemployed. Emily mentioned to me , that it would be nice if I added the inspirational & motivational thought “just for today” to the website. This prayer is popular with people suffering with alcohol and addiction issues.
I Sometimes attend a Salsa class. And one day I will succumb to the pressure of giving you the address of the YouTube clip, which features a gangly cab driver with two left feet strutting his stuff on the dance floor! A clip my teacher has cheekily uploaded. (If the truth be known, our teacher is very proud of the progress we have made in a short space of time.)
POST DANCE PROCEDURE
After burning up so many calories on the dance floor, it’s essential for me to replace all that lost energy, so my first port of call after the class finishes is the Brick Lane Bagel Bake. However, visiting such a place /area on Friday night does have its issues… for me, the main issue is the fact that I tend to be the only person on the whole street who is not under the influence of alcohol or other hallucinogenic substances!
MY SECOND DANCE CLASS
My second dance class of the evening took place inside the Bagel Bake. Saturday Night Fever came on the radio, and the people in the queue, as well as the staff began to jive, naturally I joined in, as well as observing the moves of the other dancers/drunks. I left the shop thinking that all them 2-hour Salsa classes were at last starting to pay off !
A short while later, whilst in the comfort and safety of the back of my cab, I joyfully munched away on a Salt Beef Bagel, and began to people watch. It’s amazing what you can observe from the back of a parked up taxi in Brick Lane, in the space of Seven minutes…
A group of posh ladies in pretty & expensive frocks stand outside the Bagel Bake sipping wine out of a bottle, each waiting impatiently for the bottle to come back around to them. The posh ladies are brushing shoulders with a group of homeless men and women who are arguing about what a cash donation should be spent on and which one them should keep the change. People young and old walk rapidly past my cab eating bagels out of brown paper bags. Loud music thumped out of a nearby bar, a doorman stands outside looking bored and constantly checking his watch. At a nearby apartment block, a young oriental girl presses aggressively on the communal entrance buzzer. A CCTV camera mounted on enormous pole peers down at everyone and everything. A street gang bowl past my cab, purposely elbowing people, their plan being to instigate a response. A cyclist, who is pulling a wheelie, rides past my cab, he is cycling the wrong way down a one-way street. A man turns the corner unzips his trousers and begins to urinate against a fence, he is completely oblivious to me and the rest of the street. The girl who was pressing the buzzer has now resorted to shouting up to the apartment in the hope of getting the inhabitants attention. Three Taxi’s drive past my taxi. Their orange for hire lights looking like enormous fireflies. A man is now shouting down from the apartment block, and the girl on the street takes a few steps back and kneels down to pick up a set of keys which the man has thrown down to her. She lets herself into the apartment and has an expression of somebody who should not have to go through such rigmarole. I open the rear door of my taxi-cab and climb into the front seat. I put the keys into the ignition and pull away… it’s now time for me to go to work……..
FALIC SYMOLS AND FOUL LANGUAGE!
It was only a matter of time before I came home with a clipboard full of foul language and falic symbols!! Personally I was expecting this to happen on a Friday night in December with a drunken office party being responsible, however it happened tonight and the culprits were a bunch of drunken twenty something school teachers! Maybe they were replicating the words and symbols they’d seen on the textbooks of the kids they teach!
Anyway with the rough came the smooth, Joe, Nadine, Jez and Tracey you all played a massive part in turning the water into wine. Your contributions and presence were greatly appreciated.
“Television is an invention which allows you to be entertained in your living room by someone you wouldn’t have in your home.”
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
“Come the f#ck in, or f#ck the f#ck off.”
Nadine & Jez , Television & Adverts. (the above three) Nadine and Jez told me that the first quote is from Sir David Frost, the second quote from Winston Churchill, and the third quote from the The Thick Of It.
“You’re a long time dead.”
“When a mixed aged group gets together, everybody brings something to the table.”
Tracey (the above two)
“Love is kind, love is patient, love is never jealous.”
“When someone stops learning he is old.”
“Winning is not about beating one’s opponent, it’s about getting out of a situation.”
No, I’ve not just come out with a derogatory comment, these were the exact words that Kerry and Anne came out with when they entered my cab! As they struggled to get into the cab with an enormous Double Base and a chair to accompany the instrument, I heard the comment “I don’t suppose the cabbie picks up two lesbians carrying a Double Base that often!” To which I responded “its not an everyday occurrence but perfectly ok!” It was great to speak to two ladies who were so open and comfortable with their own sexuality. And Kerry who plays for a symphony orchestra gave me the impression that my quote project had been a positive influence on a course that she was about to embark on.
Next in were Johnnie and his partner; they wanted to be taken to Lewisham. A fun loving, rational, and professional couple who were both very creative. Johnnie’s ambition was to publish a book on London pubs. I mentioned that if he needs help on the research side of things, he could give me a shout! Its kind and level headed passengers like these two that make the job bearable and worth doing.
Another perk of this job is the eye candy, and Isabelle from France certainly topped the shifts hot appearance category.
Then came Charles and Sylvie, an elderly old school sought of the earth South London couple. It was a short journey so I delivered my pitch immediately. Charles gave me the impression that he needed all this like a hole in the head! However, once I had explained that it was a nonprofit making project and it offered me the potential of a bit of self enlightenment, I got the support of Sylvie, who then barked at Charles
” YOU’RE EVER PLAYING THE GAME OR YOU’RE NOT. “
If lesbians had stolen the limelight earlier in the evening, and gorgeous Isabelle a little later, it was the now the time of the gay man. Barry and co had been on a large bender, as they put it! ( To those who don’t understand English slang, this means a big night out (most of the time)) A joyful bunch who thought methodically before contributing with a quote, eventually Barry answered with
” IF HIS CRABS ARE BIGGER THAN YOURS, HE GAVE THEM TO YA ! “
If you could have witnessed the gay passenger’s debate, which continued in the back of the cab after this quote was made, you would still be laughing now!!! It wasn’t exactly a Darwin theory but comical it was…..
Enough was enough, my last fare had taken me in a homeward bound direction, and all that was left for me to do was have a feeling of complacency for my scribble filled clipboard, and ponder whether I could make head or tail of any of the handwriting on it ! As well as reminisce about a mixed bunch of passengers ( far too many to mention them all ) which consisted of lesbians brandishing a Double Base, a stunning female French passengers, who I liked to think was giving me the eye, a gay Bloke who swore blind that his theory on Crabs was 100% right. And let’s not forget the carpenter who recited Shakespeare’s quote on flatulence!
And just think I nearly didn’t go to work !
“When someone is upset, all there is to do is love them, and get that they are upset, no one needs fixing.”
Kerry & Anne, Bristol
“It’s better to die on your feet than live on your knees.”
“Better to have loved and lost, than to live with the crazy for the rest of your life.”
“Figure out how dumb you are, then do what you can.”
“Never explain, never complain.”
“Never get drunk with people you don’t know.”
“Don’t tie your shoelaces in a revolving door.”
Anonymous (the above five)
“Don’t pay the ferry man until he gets you to the other side.”
My windscreen was misty and so was the sky. The traffic was stop start stop start. The buildings looked greyer than grey. Umbrellas opened up like petals on a flower; the fashoinistas had umbrellas that matched their outfits. Passengers came and went. Black cabs were a sought after commodity. Amid all this madness and mayhem, the leaves on the autumn trees looked beautiful, the passengers still found time to put pen to paper, and I’m becoming an expert at reading scruffy handwriting !
“Tell your boss good news on a Friday, so he can think about it over the weekend, save the bad news for Mondays. Mondays are shit anyway, so you won’t spoil anything!”
“The most important person that you must live with is yourself.”
“Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer.”
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman, He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could have played golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”
Cabbie: “There’s more … He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”
Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?
Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died … I’m married to his f#ckin’ widow.”